Musical Theatre, Not!
Okay Okay Okay! I’m going to express an opinion about one category of dance that really, REALLY drives me crazy. Apart from all the other issues I have about where competitive dance and dance instruction has been going off the rails. This issue makes be cringe. While audiences pretend to enjoy this style of dance, it so often makes dancers look silly and choreographers look inane. So, what is this type of dance? It’s what so many studios and competitions erroneously refer to as “musical theatre”, when really, it’s a lousy attempt at silly comedy while dancers make a less then a mediocre attempt at lip syncing.
Over the last 50 years or so I have choreographed, directed or performed in close to 75 musical productions. I love musicals. I love the challenge of portraying characters in scenes through music and dance. I love trying to capture the original creator’s intent within the confines of the plays. It’s so wonderful when song and story blend seamlessly. Musical theatre is not just dancing and pretending to sing to a show tune.
Let’s do a short “side bar”. I have often said that choreographers make the worst comedians. They attempt to tell a joke through dance then stand around and wait for chuckles from the audience and backstage parents. It’s a good thing that nobody can read minds. Because if we could, and you know this is true—because you have thought this yourself—we would hear. “That slapstick bit wasn’t funny when I first saw it years ago”. I better laugh politely after all -- it’s children dancing”. Why do choreographers make the worst comedians? Because they rely on old, tired slapstick comedy bits and pretend they are new and fresh ideas. It reminds me of the day my 6-year-old first discovered “Knock Knock jokes”. I had to laugh politely at the new and repeated telling of the “Banana Who?” joke. He may be cute as he attempted to tell the joke. But it’s still NOT FUNNY!
I swear that dance teachers mail away for their comedy bits. “Two corn flake box top and a self addressed stamped envelope and you get your funny bit to include in a routine. Guaranteed to make any four-year-old to laugh till their pants fall down”. Goofy kick sequences, wobbly off-balance moments, silly fanny shaking, etc. Have been so over done and should left in the archives with the great moments of Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. But they are a regular part of most “musical theatre”, lip sync competition choreography. Not good. Not funny.
I will openly admit that I am not a good joke teller through dance. I can tell the story, but damn it I always have problems with the punch line. And what good is a joke without a punch line.
Now this is not really the point I was going to make. What really drives me crazy is the lip syncing. And lip syncing under the heading “musical theatre” …AHHHH!
Now I’m sitting backstage waiting to put my next group on stage and the category before mine is a "musical theatre" category. Wait … what? Let me describe this moment. An eleven-year-old steps out on stage she has a stool, a small table and a genie lamp. She is dressed in middle eastern genie clothes and is painted blue. With sword in hand … wait a minute… (Why a sword? She’s a genie! Oh, I see we’re going to do some “over the sword” tricks in the routine. Again whyyyyy?). Now, not that being an awesome sword welding genie isn’t cool--but hey—she’s starts to lip sync to the music. Not the good lip sync you see when a music artist makes it look like they are really singing. Noooo! She was inhaling when she was supposed to be singing and forgot that she was singing when doing a complicated dance sequence. Then to top off the whole fiasco of a routine she pretends to sit on the lamp that was moved to the chair. Comedy moment!! Think again. Why not just do a fart joke. It would be just as humourless. Next up. Two 11-year-old girls do, “I Think I Got You Beat”. One girl is in a fat suit. Oh my. Tummy bumps and prat falls, yeah!! Next, it’s Anne Of Green Gables – “Did You Hear?” A table and some fake cakes. And away we go. Now a lot of finger pointing mixed with purposeless blocking peppered with some dance tricks and kicks. Story not, character not, and lip sync (Do I really have to say it? … Disastrous!
I have watched a fair number of air band lip sync on videos and they can be very impressive as they mimic rock groups. I have totally enjoyed Jimmy Falon’s lampooned music videos. But I have never been impressed by so-called musical theatre lip sync routines. Teachers do not teach correct lip-syncing techniques—not that I know what they are--and only focus on the dance routine, silly characterizations, and props.
Do dance studios really offer “musical theatre” classes and take students’ money to produce this crap!! Real musical theatre instruction should include vocal instruction, voice and diction, character development and music theory—and could also include dialects, directing techniques, and stage craft. Current “musical theatre” classes from what I’ve seen should actually be called “jester theatre”.
Of course, there are those that do attempt to sing. In very rare moments it works—and nice to watch—but most often the dancer shouts out pitchy lyrics with no breath control or concept of melody. And sometimes their movements are so physical that they have no air to finish the song after the bridge.
In my opinion, if the dancer can’t sing DON’T DO A MUSICAL THEATRE NUMBER! And never lip sync! That should be a rule. At least, don’t call it musical theatre! That’s just wrong!!